KCI The Anti_Meth Site

Female Meth addict struggling with weight issues

Even steven3	Female meth addict struggling with weight issues! My girlfriend has been clean for over 3 weeks now but there`s one issue really screwing with her mind. She was overweight as a child/teenager. Eventually she starved herself thinner-and ultimately started doing meth later on in life. She has alot of anger/hurt now deep inside from all those years of being treated differently, and particularly of how much better she was treated when she got thinner. Its very hard for me to know what to say to her and hard for her to listen as i`m a thin male. She has said to me on several occasions that what she lost being on meth almost isn't enough to stop her when she's feeling fat and horrified at becoming fat again. She's gained a bit of weight in these first few weeks and its really triggering her to want to use. I`d be curious to here from anyone who might have felt the same way and what their words of wisdom or advice would be to her. She's well aware of how good things are clean and what she has to lose-but its still barely enough to quite that incessant voice and the fragile body image issues she has carried all these years. I realize councelling is probably the best bet but in the meantime can anyone relate to this? Its very hard for me because as a non-user i see meth as the absurd solution to this problem that it is-but i haven't walked in her shoes...
Replies...
JAN 2006	Re: Female meth addict struggling with weight issues! Hi Steve, I am thin, and a non user, First off you might try , taking her to the store, and show her the non or low fat foods she can eat and not gain a pound. Have her pick out flavored waters, she needs losts of water. Show her fresh veggies she can dip in veggie low fat dip. I would if you can have her join an exersize prograham or take some long walks with her , get her to ride a bike, great exersize. maybe councelling if this doesnt work Please let me know how she is doing, and what you think about my ideas
Flea Bay	Re: Female meth addict struggling with weight issues!! excersize ... very simple
green eye angel	Re: Female meth addict struggling with weight issues! Hi, I know exactly where she is coming from. When I stopped using I gained about 40lbs. in a period of 6 months. I would get so depressed about the weight that I have also relapsed 3 times in a year. Diet and excercise is probally the best way to get and keep the weight off but when you are depressed that is really hard to do. First she needs your support. My boyfriend always tells me no matter what he will love me and that I don't see it but I look alot better like I am than when I looked all sucked in and almost sick looking. You have to learn to love yourself in your own skin whether it is very thin or as I like to call it thick. I don't always realize that no matter what I weigh that I do look healthy and look alot better than when I was using. Reassurance that you love her and that she still looks good and still turns you on or what ever is very important also to help her feel good about herself.
Rachel sue76	Re: Female meth addict struggling with weight issues! *Quote:* My girlfriend has been clean for over 3 weeks now but there`s one issue really screwing with her mind.She was overweight as a child/teenager.Eventually she starved herself thinner-and ultimately started doing meth later on in life.She has alot of anger/hurt now deep inside from all those years of being treated differently,and particularly of how much better she was treated when she got thinner.Its very hard for me to know what to say to her and hard for her to listen as i`m a thin male. Evensteven, It is very hard when you have been overweight and know how people treat you when you are and then you become thin by starving yourself and those same people that were making fun of you now think that you are absolutely great. It is a hard thing to get past. In a way, it makes you feel less valued as a person because whether you are fat or skinny on the outside, you are still the same person on the inside irregardless. *Quote:* She has said to me on several occasions that what she lost being on meth almost isnt enough to stop her when shes feeling fat and horrified at becoming fat again I do not know your girlfriend but if I had to guess, what she really wants from you is to know that no matter what she looks like on the outside, you love her for what is on the inside. She needs to know that you love her for who she is and not what she looks like. When you have an eating issue, you already think that your whole self worth is determined by your body and sadly enough, a lot of people are ready to back that opinion of you up. When she says that what she lost on meth is not enough to stop her because she is afraid of becomming fat again what she really needs to hear from you is that you will still love her no matter what. And if you cannot honestly still love her whether she is fat or thin, you should be honest and tell her. It will do a real good head fuk on her if you tell her that it is ok and you really do not find it ok. *Quote:* Shes well aware of how good things are clean and what she has to lose-but its still barely enough to quite that incessant voice and the fragile body image issues she has carried all these years Unfortunately, it takes a long time to get to the point where you believe that your self worth is not determined by what you look like on the outside. And somedays, deep down, she will still feel like that. And you are so right that her body image issues are fragile. *Quote:* Its very hard for me because as a non-user i see meth as the absurd solution to this problem that it is-but i havent walked in her shoes. I too am a non-user but, I can tell you from experience that if someone would have introduced me to meth when I was in full blown starvation mode, I would have been all over it. There would have been no turning back for me ever. I would have used and I would have told anyone that did not like it to @#%$ off. Because it would have made it so easy to be that thin person that everyone liked. It would have made it easier to not eat. I would not have cared who I lost in the process because that need that I had deep down inside to be loved for the person that I was inside was so important to me and in my way of thinking if I was thin, then I was worth of love. As absurd as you think it is that is the hard reality of it. When you look around you and all you see is thin people being portrayed as the wonderful people in the world and held up as the standard of how everyone is supposed to be, it is hard to like yourself when you look in the mirror and see that you are not one of those people. And then when you have been on both sides and see the difference in the way that you are treated, you begin to believe that your only value is your body. She probally does need counseling for her eating issues, you are right. BUT, you can help to build her self confidence by loving her no matter what. Sorry that this got kind of long.
pcejp	Re: Female meth addict struggling with weight issues! I am the mom of a 17 year old who is 7 months into her recovery. Even though I always thought of her as perfect, she was never happy with her weight. I know the weight loss was one "benefit" of using. When she went to treatment over a several month period she gained at least 40 pounds--between not using meth, not being active and various changes in medications. I can sympathize with your girlfriend as I saw the pain the weight gain caused my daughter. During one outing we went shopping for pants. I can remember being in the dressing room with her and she just started sobbing saying "you see why I used--nothing fits me and I am just a fat pig now." Things DO get back to normal. Her medications got adjusted. She became active again with gymnastics. She and I also started a walking regime together where we walk at least three times a week for three miles. She looks as great now as she did pre-meth. Good luck to you and your girlfriend.
Lisa	Re: Female meth addict struggling with weight issues! We have to learn to love ourselves, no matter what the packaging is like. We're so programmed to believe what the advertising/entertainment industries want us to believe, that we base our self-worth on a number on the scale or a number on a dress size. Self-acceptance will have to come from within. It's AMAZINGLY difficult, and I struggle with it everyday. Therapy is an excellent idea which maybe you and/or your gf should look into sooner than later - before the desire to be thin overtakes the desire to be clean. It's sad, but true...you can tell her you love her thin, fat and in-between, but she'll never really believe you. It absolutely has to come from within her. But never stop re-enforcing the fact that she's NOT her body, and your love isn't contingent upon her weight. It'll help. A lot. But, ultimately, it's up to her to find that place of comfort with herself. Good Luck.
jacks mom	Re: Female meth addict struggling with weight issues! 'Weight Watcher's' on-line. $14.95 a month and it has thousands of recipes, (easy ones too! ), and everything is 'real' food...not that diet, non-fat, low carb crap if you don't want; you have a couple of options. The recipes are geared towards lower calories and correct portions. It's really the smart way to go, but eating correctly is also a lifestyle. I lost 20 lbs. pretty easily on this program and NEVER felt deprived.
Penel0pe	Re: Female meth addict struggling with weight issues! I quit using 27 months ago. I gained a lot of weight right out the gate - within 6 months. I hated it then and I hate it now. I also haven't done a thing about it, so it's my own fault that I am still overweight. I have a plethera of health issues that are getting in the way of being able to do things like go for walks, jog, lift weights, etc - but I HAVE cut my portion sizes in half over the past month, and my pants are getting looser. Besides the weight, I gained managability of my own life, clarity of thought, self respect, the respect of my family, a better relationship with my kids and my husband, the ability to actually pay my bills on time (Mostly because I don't spend all my cash on dope anymore,) a more spiritually driven life, the ability to enjoy the simple things (That one took a little time - my poor brain had to heal first,) my skin doesn't look a pizza anymore, my fingernails actually grow now, and, although the health problems I am having are things to do with my bones, tendons, and now I have shingles - my GENERAL HEALTH is good (NORMAL lab work today, I can breathe, no more chronic bronchitis - I even had tuberculosis and didn't know it because I didn't take care of myself!) the TB has been treated, I only lost 2 teeth (Most people will lose more,) and I am doing the things I need to do to take care of myself. Tell her that weight that I gained in the first 6 months? It is almost 2 years later, and I haven't gained another pound (I actually lost a little bit of it.) I hate being overweight - but METH is NOT the way to stay thin. The longer you use, the more weight you will gain (That's just my opinion.) Once my medical problems are healed (I just had surgery - a few months ago, anyway,) I WILL be able to exercise. I hear from people on this site OVER AND OVER AND OVER that exercising not only kept them from getting fat, but it kept the depression at bay, and helped them to recover faster from meth withdrawal. She CAN keep her figure and get her life back too. And, like many have already said - let her know - YOU LOVE HER FOR WHO SHE IS, NOT FOR HER DRESS SIZE. My husband treats me like a queen - he won't tolerate it when I put myself down for being overweight, and encourages me when I do try (Like eating less food!) Half the time he asks me to eat MORE - he's worried I might get sick from not eating enough. Tell her she can have the best of both worlds - she just has to be willing to do the work it requires to do it!
Hemet chik	Re: Female meth addict struggling with weight issues! let me say first of all when you quit it affects both men and women...we ALL TEND to put on weight...our bodies have been deprived for so long...and we try to fight the craving of dope...with sugar... try dopamine replacement foods..that are high in protien...eating fresh fruit, drinking plenty of fluids to keep flushing our body of toxins...I know for women, it tends to be a big trigger to put on weight... SO we must prevent that issue from happening... EXERCISE...is great for the spirit and dopamine I am not talking about running a 10k, but even getting outdoors in the sun and taking a walk..gardening..light weights...is good for women to because it builds up bone density...which we tend to lose the older we get.. WE ARE NOT ALL GOING TO BE super model skinny, it is unrealistic..and society has plenty of magazines and commercials that tells us to be a size 4... well I have never once in my life been a size 4...maybe at 15...but I am tall...I have a shape to me that I have LEARNED TO LOVE... BE HEALTHY...BE SMART ON what you eat...it shouldnt be used as a tool to feed emotions...it is to nurture our body..
Penel0pe	Re: Female meth addict struggling with weight issues! when you consider that I used COCAINE for a long time, meth, pot, and probably anything else you can think of for 26 YEARS... I couldn't even GUESS how much I spent. I know that towards the end, hubby and I used about $100 worth a day, with a day off here and there to sleep. Add the $60 bag of weed that lasted me a day or two, a fifth of whiskey a day for hubby at 8 bucks a bottle... It's a good thing we had jobs, eh? Paul's poor Mom became "Bank of America" every time the power / phone / propane got shut off - one time the cable got shut off and she refused to lend us money to pay the cable bill - and we were SO OFFENDED! HOW DARE SHE!!! And, smarty pants, I don't spend any on dope today - so neener neener neener!
imlost inky	Re: Female meth addict struggling with weight issues! Having been thin all of my life, having been addicted to meth, having not had a weight issue UNTIL I quit work, stayed at home, got a computer - got depressed majorly, I can tell you without a doubt
k8 kanguru	Re: Female meth addict struggling with weight issues! Evensteven I didn't have time to read all the replies so excuse me if I am repeating. My partner is the addict and when he first got clean his hang-ups were about how skinny he was. He was so damned thin I couldn't even give him a massage because there was no flesh left on his back to massage. It's not ok for a guy to be so emaciated that he's lost biceps and doesn't even have a bum any more. But our society reinforces the idea that this is the ideal sexually attractive female body stereotype. So when my guy came home to get clean he wanted me to feed him up big time. He looks great now and I love it that there's substance to him now - something to squeeze and snuggle into - not just bones sticking out everywhere. The down side of that is that in feeding him up, I ate too and I have gained as much weight as he has from 'grazing in a good paddock' as we call it. Now I could get all hung up on this because I've had to throw out all my clothes and move up a size. My body is a shape now that it has never been...all roundy and bulgy and nothing like the centrefold material I was in my youth. Surprizingly I'm feeling pretty ok about how I look...ok, to be honest, I could probably shed a few pounds. I look in the mirror and see my rounded out face and body and I can smile back at myself. But the main reason I'm ok with it, is because HE is ok with it. In fact, he actually likes it!! I couldn't believe that at first because I thought all men were only attracted to the usual 'skinny young thing' stereotype. I started to realise it was true when he saw old pics of an earlier me (when I did look like the stereotype of sexually attractive female body type) and his response was "Yuk, you looked like an anorexic junkie!" I also noticed that when he was checking out porn on the Net, he wasn't at all interested in the young skinnies but actually gravitated to the mature women with flesh on their bones. Hmmm, what a revelation! There is actually hope for the 80% of us who don't look like starved catwalk models. So, based on my experience, the best thing you could do to help your girlfriend from thinking she has to relapse in order to feel attractive is for you to get your own thinking out of any preconceived body stereotyping you may have and *learn to love her body for what it is.* After all, this obession with sexual attractivness being associated with pubescent body forms, really is just cultural programming. In another era (look at Botticelli's paintings)or another culture (Middle Eastern) roundness in women is considered the most sexually desirable form. Believe me, if your partner realises her own man just adores the feel of round curves and loves to snuggle into the succulent ripeness of a juicy warm woman, she's not going to be so worried if she isn't drawing wolf whistles from the young bucks on every construction site she passes. Demonstrations of love and affirmation of who and what we are from the man we love will outdo any other form of 'therapy' money can buy when it comes to healing uncertainty about body image.
chris gonz	Re: Female meth addict struggling with weight issues! We all get chunky when we quit using.. I'm on doctor's orders to tighten up 20 lbs. First thing I did was quit eating the junk food. Bought salad mix, fruits, veggies, nuts, chicken, fishies, and what else... oh tea. So now instead of coffee with my yummy cream and sugar, it' s hot raspberry tea, yummy... No chips, dips, chocolates (as much as possible), popcorn. And EXERCISE.. walking, whatever. I've been doing a lot of dynamic tension exercise and every time I get up, I stretch and bend the old bones. I was in a world of hurt at first, but today... I was shadow boxing... it was fun. I forgot how fun it was to move around so much. For some women, it's an odd feeling to stretch and exercise in front of her man... My guy made me nervous... my ex laughed at me, so I quit in front of him... maybe.. if she sees you stretching or something, a club, but they're expensive.. go for walks after dinner together. Don't eat at greasy places, we do a lot of Subway. Jack in the box has a killer oriental chick salad... yummy. Anyway, hope some of this helps. Stay active physically and strong spiritually.
Even steven3	Re: Female meth addict struggling with weight issues! Hey everyone thanks for all the great replies.Just for the sake of clarification i DO NOT subscribe to the stereotypical body images that are forced upon us on a daily basis.I love her body and soul and i really believe shes well aware of it-as i do tell her and revel in her beauty on a daily basis.Most of my ex`s have had meat on their bones so i suppose its something i gravitate towards naturally anyways. What i really wanted to say though is that i dont believe this issue has alot to do with sexual attractiveness.Its a part of it to be sure but i really dont think she`s looking for catcalls from the guys or anything-i think the damage runs deeper then that and probably has its roots in things she was deprived of as a child.Things like love,attention and support from her mother and father etc. I believe these issues come from within[as somebody pointed out] and require a solution or change of thought patterns from within.I think whoever said it was very right in pointing out that no matter what one tells someone who has carried this their whole life they will tend to listen to the inner voices more then the outer ones.This is as it should be as the outer voices were the ones to heap scorn and insult on them when they were heavier-then about face and praise them for being thinner.I feel like ,while my voice has some impact,its the inner voices she must learn to reprogram.
chris gonz	Re: Female meth addict struggling with weight issues! Finding out why I use has been one of the biggest issue I've had to deal with in my recovery.... I think it's like that for everyone. So if your g/f stays clean, she really needs to address all that pain of her childhood. Like me, I masked the pain with drugs. I understand that she used to create a different appearance of herself on the outside, me - it was creating a different person on the inside. Best of luck.
Hemet chik	Re: Female meth addict struggling with weight issues! for me, I was sexually molested...so, this is where my self-esteem breaks.. that is where exercise...eating healthy and most importantly...finding the reason of our need to comfort with drugs.... self-esteem is hard to get ahold of, especially if you mix drugs into it... but therapy and taking care of your body does wonders..
Lisa	Re: Female meth addict struggling with weight issues! ES, You sound like a deeply caring person and a wonderful boyfriend. The feelings DO come from within; that's where they started and that's where they'll end (hopefully). Will she go to therapy? Just talking about her issues to a stranger (a therapist) might help her and dissolve any cravings she may have to use again to help her lose weight. It's a difficult situation - I know if I used again, I could drop these twenty pounds in two weeks, no problem. It's always a temptation, but one I try to keep as just "not an option, no matter what." Again, Good Luck!
angie Ncali	Re: Female meth addict struggling with weight issues! I hate to Sound SO mean - But ....... She needs first to worry about SAVING HER LIFE ...... By saying Sober ...... And worry about how she looks and feels later ! She only has 3 weeks. She is gonna overwhelm herself right back into a bag of dope if she doesnt just focus on staying sober right now. Our minds will create a million different reasons why we are afraid of getting a staying sober ... And most of them might even make sense ... But the REAL fact is USING shouldnt be an option -- it shouldnt be a solution to our problems. So she gains weight. Let her get sober .... first - gain the weight and then think of a healthier solution of what to do about it.
Hemet chik	Re: Female meth addict struggling with weight issues! I kind of disagree with you here..well not kind of..but do...I love you.. One of the biggest reasons women pick up is weight control...that could be a trigger for relapse...how easy it is to get rid of the weight...by doing meth for a couple weeks and next thing you know it is a year later..bam still doing meth... getting clean..doing it healthy...
angie Ncali	Re: Female meth addict struggling with weight issues! trust me I know. The weight was and still is extermly hard for me to deal with .... BUT i knew if I worried about my weight I would NEVER get and stay sober ... I had to shift my thoughts to what was really important and that was trying to repair the damage i had done to my life and start becoming whole on the inside before worry about the outside.
draft molly	Re: Female meth addict struggling with weight issues! *It's sad, but true...you can tell her you love her thin, fat and in-between, but she'll never really believe you. It absolutely has to come from within her.* Whoa Lisa... too true... my ex wouldn't believe anything I told him no matter "how" I said it (and I truely believed the things I was saying). He thought he was old, ugly, stinky and worthless no matter what anyone thought. Ultimately I think it was his own lack of self-esteem that pushed him over the edge to using.
Sfj	Re: Female meth addict struggling with weight issues! Women: May I ask? What is more difficult? Overcoming addiction to meth or overcoming an addiction to eating too much?
Hemet chik	Re: Female meth addict struggling with weight issues! meth... I have to add...self esteem seems the most difficult.. i dunno
angie Ncali	Re: Female meth addict struggling with weight issues! I am Not sure SFJ. That is a hard one. VERY HARD. Meth was of course hard to over come. But once I was ready ... I did it. The thing about eatting to much something i am guilty of ... there are no real consequences ... except for how it makes me feel - I start dieting ... do good feel good .. and then give up. Eatting is legal. Being over weight is too. I am not hurting anyone but myself ... (wow sounds just like when I was using) Eatting and Smoking are a B*tch to get over. My last and final attempts and ways to self sabotage. I do them even though they make me feel bad. And oh the rationalization .... Well at least I am not getting high .....
Lisa	Re: Female meth addict struggling with weight issues! Quitting meth = much harder than dieting. When I diet or watch what I eat, I don't sob for days, rage and throw things, sleep 19 hours a day, yell and scream at everybody, have aches and pains, cry uninterrupted for hours upon hours, feel so lethargic I can't drag my ass outta bed, have anxiety attacks daily, etc. etc. etc. I just wanna eat. So I have some ice cream, feel guilty, and move on to the next day. Meth withdrawal has GOT to be the worst withdrawal with the exception of junk.